Posts Tagged ‘alone’

Ready Or Not

Posted: January 14, 2013 in Uncategorized
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I was on my way home and passing by a mall when I noticed this couple who were waiting for a cab.  They had their arms around each other.  And they were smiling and looking deeply into each others’ eyes.  Then the guy raised his hands, held the girl’s head, and kissed her head.  

I smiled when I saw that, forgetting for one second that I was in a public utility vehicle.  

I smiled because even I felt the love he feels for his girl, despite the distance, with just that simple gesture.  

I used to hate it when people do public displays of affection.  It used to make me gag.  Now, they make me smile and think how lucky they are to have found what they have.  Well, as long as they are not practically crawling all over each other in public, I’d consider it sweet.

And as I watched that couple, it made me think.  Again.  Of my own lovelife or lack thereof.  And it made me smile.  Again.  A sad, close to tears, kind of smile.  Because, when before I have always done everything in my power to look for my own happy ending, now I have decided to just go with whatever He has planned for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that He only gives us what is best for us.  Not what we want or need but what is best for us.  And, for the longest time, I have tried to create my own destiny.  Tried to forge my own path but, now, I realized that I am tired of it all.  

I am tired of trying and failing.  Again and again.  And go running to Him whenever the pain is too much to bear.

So, I have decided to trust in Him.  Trust that what He deems is best for me will be the one thing that will make me happy and contented.  

But, I am also scared.  Scared that I am not ready to accept the truth in case He deems I am strong enough to live my life on my own.  Scared that He has planned for me to grow old alone.  Scared that I will never feel a beloved’s arms around me again.

However, whether I am ready or not, I have vowed to do this.  And pray that I have enough courage and strength to accept everything.

After all, I may be physically alone but I will always have Him.  Ready or not.

Men and Young Women

Posted: October 24, 2012 in heart, love
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So, I was just talking to a friend.  Actually, he’s a high school classmate and that makes him my age.

Anyway, we were talking and I found out that his girlfriend is 9 years younger than him.  Than us.  He also told me another classmate of ours also has a much younger girlfriend. 

So, yeah. That short conversation just intensified my fear that I will probably grow old alone.  Because men my age will always go for someone younger. 

I may look young but, I have to face it, I am no longer young.  It may be hard to accept but I have to admit to myself that there’s a possibility that I will end up alone.

I just hope that God will grant me the strength and courage to do so.  If that is what He has planned for me.